


You Have (Not) Been Chopped

by magicalpaganini (heartsflush)



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Cooking, Other, Polyamory, everyone in this shop is in love and it's adorable okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-15 23:01:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15423564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsflush/pseuds/magicalpaganini
Summary: Alexis and Asra have a challenge. Girard is trying his best. Faust loves mice.





	You Have (Not) Been Chopped

**Author's Note:**

> what, i wrote something that actually involves the canon? who am i
> 
> disclaimer: i know FUCK ALL about cooking so i pulled this meal out of my ass please do not judge me
> 
> also i thought of this ship ONCE and now it's consumed my entire life

“Thanks for stopping by! Have a nice evening.”

Girard handed the customer their purchases and waved to them as they left the shop. It had been about a year since he’d moved in, and in that time, Alexis had shoehorned him into working as the cashier. He didn’t mind; he got to see all kinds of people, as well as ease Alexis and Asra’s workload a bit.

Moments after the door shut, it swung open again, revealing Alexis and Asra. Alexis flicked their wrist, darkening the lamp outside. As they entered, Girard noticed that both Alexis and Asra were carrying baskets.

“How was the market?” Girard asked, leaning his elbow on the counter.

Asra smiled, closing the door behind him. “Busy as ever. The fruit fanatic sends his regards.” He set the baskets he was carrying down on an end table. “Everything go okay while we were gone?”

“Same as usual,” Girard replied. “We’ll need to restock on sage bundles soon, though.”

“Okay, enough small talk. Girard, we’ve got a challenge for you,” Alexis declared suddenly, setting a basket down on the counter in front of him.

“Can this challenge wait until after I’ve made dinner?” Girard asked in reply, shooting them a look.

Alexis grinned. “The challenge _is_ dinner, my dude.”

Girard blinked in surprise. “Okay, now I’m extra confused.”

“What Alexis means is,” Asra began, “we’ve bought ingredients at the market, and you don’t know what they are. Our challenge to you is to make dinner with them.”

“Do I have a choice in this?” Girard replied, walking out from behind the counter.

“Of course,” Alexis answered. “It’s only if you want to. But I just think it’ll be really fun!”

Girard smiled. “One more question. Do I just have the ingredients you bought to work with?”

Asra shook his head. “You can use what’s in the pantry. But the spotlight should be the baskets.”

“Alright,” Girard said, heading into the kitchen. “Let’s do it.”

“Fabulous!” Alexis exclaimed. They followed him into the kitchen, picking up the basket as they went. They put it down beside the stove, waving to the stove salamander, and looked back at Girard. “Your creation will be judged on taste and flavor.”

“Those are synonyms.”

“Shh.” Alexis laid their hand on the counter and tapped their fingers rhythmically as they continued explaining. “You don’t have a time limit, but I am hungry.”

“Sounds good,” Girard replied. “Can I open the basket now?”

“Yes you may,” Alexis said, pushing the basket towards him. Girard opened the basket and pulled each ingredient out one by one.

“Okay, so pumpkin bread,” he mused, placing the loaf beside the basket. “Not very surprised by that one.”

Alexis rolled their eyes. “It’s tasty.”

Girard smiled, pulling out the next ingredient. “Honey.”

“Because you’re _my_ honey.”

“Dork.” Girard rolled his eyes. He picked up the next ingredient, then raised an eyebrow. “Am I supposed to cook with cough medicine?”

“Shit that’s in the wrong basket,” Alexis exclaimed, snatching the cough medicine from Girard’s hands.

Girard laughed. “I would’ve figured something out.”

“Yeah, and poisoned us in the process,” Alexis shot back. “Keep going.”

“As you wish.” Girard lifted the next ingredient out of the basket. “Smoked sausage. Cool. And…”

He sighed, pulling out a bottle of rosé. “Alexis. Please.”

“Listen, starshine, sometimes you have to cook with things you don’t like,” they replied. “Plus, if you don’t cook with it, I’ll drink it.”

"All of it?" Girard asked, raising an eyebrow at them.

Alexis gave him a look. "You know I will."

“Well, instead of letting you get alcohol poisoning, I’ll think of something to do with it,” Girard said, placing the bottle beside the other ingredients. “Besides, I already have some ideas.”

Alexis grinned. “Then get to work, babe.”

 

“Dinner’s ready,” Girard called out, finishing up the last plate of food. Alexis practically burst into the room, followed by a giggly Asra. The two sat down at the table, admiring the plates in front of them.

“This smells fucking delicious,” Alexis stated.

“Language,” Girard corrected, sitting down with them.

“This smelleth fucking delicious--”

“Okay, stop,” Girard interrupted.

Asra laughed. “They are right, though. It does smell very good.”

“Thank you,” Girard replied. “Do you want me to tell you what it is?”

Both Asra and Alexis nodded excitedly, and Girard smiled. “Well, as you can see, it’s pasta. I’ve cooked the smoked sausage and thrown it in there with a rosé-based cream sauce. There’s also a salad with pumpkin bread croutons and honey-lemon dressing.”

“Wow, I understood none of that,” Alexis said. “I’m gonna eat it, though, because everything you do is good.”

Girard blushed. “That’s not true, but thank--”

“Shhhhhhh let me affirm you.” Alexis took a bite of their pasta while simultaneously reaching across the table to pat Girard on the shoulder. “It’s very tasty,” they said with their mouth full, “but I think you masked the flavor of the rosé.”

“That was on purpose because rosé is disgusting,” Girard replied. “Also, stop pretending like you know how to cook.”

Alexis rolled their eyes. “I may not know how to cook, but I know how to taste.” They set their fork down, taking a drink from their glass of wine. “Besides, everything you make is delicious.”

Asra nodded. “You’ve only lived here for a year and yet you’ve cooked some of the best meals I’ve ever had.”

Girard hid his face in his hands, embarrassed. “This house is full of people who like to embarrass me.”

“This house is full of people who love you,” Asra corrected, smiling gently at him.

“Same thing.” Girard lifted his head and fiddled with his fork. “Really, though, you guys are too nice to me.”

Alexis laughed. “You’ve been saying that for twenty-two years. And it’s never been true.”

They finished the meal, making pleasant conversation until their plates were empty. After placing his fork down, Asra stretched. “So what’s for dessert?” he asked, looking to Alexis.

“I dunno,” they answered. “We didn’t get anything.”

Girard stood, beginning to clear the table. “Did you want me to make something?”

“No, we didn’t plan for that,” Alexis replied. "Besides, you've already made a whole-ass meal. You get to relax."

At that moment, Faust slithered onto the table, a dead mouse in her mouth. Girard shrieked at her sudden appearance, and Asra laughed. “Well, we know what Faust is having,” he mused, a smile on his face.

Alexis giggled, standing up to help Girard clean. “I think we still have some peaches somewhere for the humans of the house.”

Girard smiled, kissing their forehead gently.

“Sounds perfect.”


End file.
